It has been a long time since I have written, my apologies. This year has been very challenging! I knew at the start of this year that GOD meant business & that 2015 would be a year of major change, BUT I had no idea the extent of the plans ahead. Since day 1, 2015 has been the year of unveiling! God has been showing himself is his armored glory, moment after moment! I am amazed!
In my immediate family we have lost 2 key members. My husband has lost both his parents within the space of literally 3 months. It has been a hard blow. It will continue to be trying for a very long time to come.
In life, we will face challenges probably daily. In certain instances, the challenges will catch us off guard. Sometimes, they are foreseen but even then, they shake us down to the core. Today I have such s story to tell. This story is mine.
It is story about trust…..
About 5 years ago I developed an duodenal ulcer. I believe it was stress related. STRESS happens when you think you can take the world on by yourself, for yourself. Stress is related to trying to be in control. Thinking that in your human capacity, you have the answers & you have a plan.
The ulcer got treated, it never really went away. As I embarked on finding the light, it gave me less trouble. As soon as I started acting like I was trying to manage my own life, it would flair up again. I would take some medication & calm down (give up control) & it would calm down with me. We are so prone to having moments of little faith, when we think that we must be driven by the fear that creeps up to look over our shoulder when we least expect it there. We have moments of hopelessness, when we feel alone, when we feel like all is lost & that we cannot face another day.
With all the challenges of this year so far, I was really struggling to stay focused. I thought that might be the straw that breaks the camels back. That this year might break me, I questioned God many times. I asked questions like:
- What is all this for?
- Is there something bigger you maybe want to tell me about?
- Are you sure this is necessary?
And in his strong, silent & immaculate way, he just kept on composing the melody of my life. Creating moments & miracles. Refining, restoring, rebuilding me & those around me. He is so miraculous! The way he brings so many harmonies into 1 melodic & perfect configuration…. & how dare I NOT TRUST? He created a whole world & so many diversely beautiful creatures. He is the Alpha & the Omega, he is the light & the darkness and I in my human way think I can possibly comprehend his infinite wisdom?
I went into hospital this morning. Both my grandparents died of cancer of the gastrointestinal system. I have a duodenal ulcer that sometimes acts up. I’ve been having trouble with my tummy. This year has been challenging, stressful beyond my already stretched limitations. I have felt literally sick to my stomach with worry in moments of weakness… it was time to face my fear.
I prayed before hand, my husband prayed with me. We prayed for peace, we prayed for mercy. We prayed for more time, we prayed for strength. Over the weekend I have been saying to God, I know you have plan. I know that you are in control. I trust that you know what you are doing. I don’t understand all of this, any of this BUT I trust you. Just let your will be done. At 9:20am I went in for my scope. In fact, in his comedic way, God orchestrated it so that I had a double scope (double what I had bargained for) & the result…. NOTHING!
Not an ulcer to speak of, an absolutely flawless set of scopes with nothing to be afraid of. No unspeakable dreaded illness waiting in the wings to throw another curveball into my already tumultuous year. JUST the knowledge that my Lord has a plan, that his plan is perfect & graceful & great! That the future is blessed & lives need to be touched. That I need only trust him for he has the answers.
I cannot begin to describe to you the immensely blessed flood of thanksgiving that is flowing over every fiber of my being right now. I have no words eloquent enough to impress upon you the absolute awe & astonishment with which I will regard him for the rest of my days. I know the road ahead will NOT be easy, I know that at every turn there may be stumbling blocks. The race is hard, the light in the world is dim sometimes , we must often seek it out. The devil is a busy beast because he knows God has a plan. Curveballs! In his beastly backpack Satan has curveballs! But my God is a pro batter, I need only buy a ticket to the game & cheer him on.
TRUST GOD….. I will continue to do so. Will you?