The feeling of being rejected is something that I have been dealing with lately. Actually I am dealing with it because it is a theme for me & something that I feel that God is saying that it is FINALLY time to let go of. I will be covering it a bit this week in my private community on Facebook. Feel free to join us at My Evolution Journey Connect where I share about my journey & support other women to do the same.
We have all suffered the hurts of rejection in our lives. Feeling rejected takes many different forms & can occur in many different areas of our lives. Rejection or the feelings associated with rejection can have far reaching effects & can truly do damage to who we are as people & to how we show up in the world.
Feelings of rejection can affect many areas of our lives. They can have a knock on effect & spill over into every aspect of who we are. Feelings of rejection can show up & affect:
- Our relationships
- Our career
- Our confidence
- Our faith
- Our self worth
- Our dreams
In my particular situation, feelings of rejection began when I moved from primary school (elementary) to High school (middle school). I lost contact with many of my friends from before & I felt a certain rejection that I did not quite process as I should have. During high school, I had a few very close friends & after high school I did not maintain contact with them too, leaving me feeling a similar rejection that I once again did not process. Throughout my adult life, I went through bouts of feeling rejected. Feeling like I didn’t quite belong. Feeling misunderstood & not valued. In relationships that effectively should have been nurturing & supportive, I did not feel accepted & it left me battling with not feeling good enough. I felt judged, sometimes I felt sidelined, sometimes I didn’t feel welcome. A mental & emotional battle that I could not win if I did not deal with the poison I had chosen to swallow. It has been a work in progress.
I definitely (in hindsight) did not face these emotions head on. I think I suffered some denial around these emotions & rather than process them for what they were…. I didn’t recognise them & I certainly did not acknowledge them. Instead, I countered the feelings with other emotions.
All these action emotions drove me forward & I used them as a catalyst to achieve worldly success within my life. The success however did not fulfil me. I think that was partly because some of what had driven me was the need to show people that I AM good enough. I AM worthy. I AM valuable. I found God on the road. The search led me to purpose & I was moved to begin My Evolution Journey. The true healing began….
Then I lost my sister to suicide. Much of my own emotions around not being good enough & feeling rejected began to surface again. Without even realising that I was also dealing with my feelings of rejection, I began to battle through my emotions. I was looking to process my sisters Death. I was looking to heal from the trauma of losing my sister tragically. I was fighting to remain sane & centred within the purpose that God had positioned me for. I wrote Vision- the devotional as part of my healing process. Everyday is a work in progress dealing with losing my sister & using my growth to continue on the path of my purpose.
Feeling rejected by people is however something that can fester. Like any challenging emotion, it can branch off, creating other emotions, other challenges & resultant behaviours that do not serve. It can lead to imposter syndrome & even when you have begun to heal from the feelings, small things can trigger relapses in the behaviour. Over the last period of time, much of those feelings have resurfaced for me.
This relapse was brought on by many things.
- old hurts resurfacing
- memories from my childhood, teenage years, young adult life
- people suffering through their own trauma inflicting or projecting their hurt onto me
- being affected by peoples projection in personal interactions
- trying to build a business that DOES NOT match the worlds standards
- striving to lead a GOD centred life in a sin filled world
- things like social media
- not always feeling valued for the contribution I am trying to make in the world
- relationships that I have tried to build that simply are not meant to be
The list goes on & on. The truth however is that I have ALLOWED my feelings to affect me in more ways than I have cared to acknowledge. I created an expectation of certain people which in turn led me to feel disappointment because of their behaviour. I have been wrecked by my OWN emotions. I have been hurt by peoples behaviour. I have been stifled by the world & tripped up by the lies of the enemy.
I know that I am in the throes of a new season on my evolution journey & that the enemy needs to hold me down in any & every way he possibly can. He needs to dig up every single wound that he can find & his main intention is to tie me up in a stronghold that I cannot break free from. The only way for me to fight against these attacks are to:
- face the feelings head on
- acknowledge the hurts
- see what I have felt & how it has affected my behaviour
- to forgive myself for allowing this to happen
- to forgive those who I felt have wronged me, betrayed me, treated me poorly
- acknowledge that I cannot have an expectation of anyone
- decide what I want the future to look like
- decide how I want to feel moving forward
- decide on the types of behaviour, energy & people that I want to share my life with
- take action to make that a reality for myself
I created a little reflection sheet that you are FREE to download to help you too.
Jesus was rejected. He was rejected by the VERY people He came to save. He was rejected by His very own creation. We reject Him every day when we turn a blind eye to the truth, promises & purpose that He has given us. He was rejected & yet He still continued on the path that God appointed Him for. Willingly. In the word there are countless references to being rejected. It is something Our Saviour faced, it is something we all have or will face.
If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.
The stone that the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.
He was hated and rejected; his life was filled with sorrow and terrible suffering. No one wanted to look at him. We despised him and said, “He is a nobody!”
He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.
1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
1 Corinthians 15:26
The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
I know that this is probably NOT going to be my last bout with feelings of rejection. It is not going to be my last rally with the enemy or my last tango with trauma or the behaviour of people BUT I am going to continue to show up. I am showing up so that many others like me KNOW that they are not alone.
It is a process. The Evolution Journey. For today, I reflect on my emotions around feeling rejected. I forgive & release myself & all of those who I felt have hurt me & I trust in God to deliver me from the noise in my mind. I have faith that I will continue to defeat and overcome and as a result, eradicate the lies of the enemy & the world, with the only opinion that matters.
I hope that this reflection will support you in some way & shine a light for you on your own evolution journey.
Much love & strength